At 2am I woke up screaming.
Scared, sweating and eyes wide open, I realised that I was having my first panic attack.
My whole body was shaking. The left side of my brain was fighting the right side of my brain. Stay calm! Think rationally! Think rationally!
As I calmed down, despair set in.
What kind of person am I? How could I have done this to myself? Everyone has done it except you!
Years of career in BPM wasted. Why didn’t anyone tell me about it.
I calmed down.
I had to accept defeat.
I had to look the truth in the eye:
I am the only one in the BPM Industry that hasn’t written a book about BPM
I know. Pitiful.
How will I ever be able to overcome the shame.
“Nobody reads books nowadays” I tried to reason with myself.
“BPM is about practicing methodologies, not making theories”.
My attempts at finding excuses were futile. No excuse would help.
The point is that you cannot be a matter expert without a published article.
“Ideas!!”. “Think of an idea!!” I yelled at myself.
Turning and tossing in bed for an hour it finally came to me. Eureka!
I quickly browsed the internet and found a copy of “Alice in Wonderland”
Skilfully I changed the title to “Adam Deane – My Experiences in BPM”
“Well done” I said to myself, “Excellent, I’ll send it to the publishers in the morning”.
Tranquillity was restored as the left side of the brain slowly fell asleep.
Maybe there’s a chance for me after all…