Posted by: Adam Deane | 09/07/2010

BPM Facts by Chuck Norris

Chuck NorrisMost companies and products never get endorsed.

The Aris community is an exception.
They got endorsed by Chuck Norris.
They say that Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep…

These are the BPM Facts by Chuck Norris:

#1 The word “BPM” was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were EPC, VACD, BPMN and GRC.
#2 All BPMN end events modelled by Chuck Norris contain the word “dead”.
#3 Chuck Norris connects two EPC events.
#4 Chuck Norris is so fast that he needs a new EPC notation.
#5 Chuck Norris can delete the “Main Group” in ARIS.
#6 Chuck Norris wants to change his Karate black belt to a SixSigma black belt but don’t know how.
#7 Chuck Norris can export two databases simultaneously.
#8 Chuck Norris can start ARIS in 1 second.
#9 Chuck Norris understands ARIS help.
#10 Chuck Norris can create an object occurrence without a definition.
#11 Chuck Norris can edit invisible attributes.
#12 Chuck Norris doesn’t model an organisation. He is the organisation.
#13 Chuck Norris can sort green EPC functions by colour.
#14 Chuck Norris doesn’t use auto layout. He commands objects to move to the right place.
#15 Chuck Norris is the only person in this universe whose value added time is higher than the process lead time.
#16 Chuck Norris uses ARIS Business Publisher offline.
#17 Chuck Norris can run ARIS Business Server with 640kB.
#19 Chuck Norris designs models only once, without using semantic checks.
#20 Chuck Norris wrote the ARIS method handbook. Before ARIS was invented.
#21 Chuck Norris does not need object consolidation. No definition dares to duplicate.
#22 Chuck Norris killed BPMN.
#23 Chuck Norris registered multiple users in ARIS Express
#24 Most people fear ARIS Man. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising Rookie”.
#25 Chuck Norris has more privileges in ARIS Business Architect than the user ‘system’.
#26. A BPM activity doesn’t execute, but runs away from Chuck Norris.

I have only one thing to add:
When Chuck Norris designs a business process, you will never need to optimize it. Ever!


  1. Adam, thank you for spreading the word about my BPM lessons!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: