BPM: Goldilocks and the three bears

Are you sitting comfortably?
Good. Then I shall begin.

Once upon a time, there was a little customer named Goldilocks. She went for a walk in the business process forest.
Pretty soon, she came upon a house. She knocked and, when no one answered, she walked right in.

At the table in the kitchen, there were three vendor solutions. Goldilocks was hungry.

She tasted the solution from the first vendor.
“This solution is too expensive!” she cried.
She then tried the solution from the second vendor.
“This solution is too complex,” she said.
Then, she tried the solution from the third vendor.
“Ahhh, this solution is just right,” she said happily and she ate it all up.

After she had tried the three vendor’s solutions she decided she was feeling a little tired to do the work by herself. So, she walked into the living room where she saw three BPM consultants.
Goldilocks sat down in the chair and talked to the first consultant.

“This consultant is too vague!” she exclaimed.
So she sat with the second consultant.
“This consultant requests a complete organisational change!” she whined.
So she tried the last consultant.
“Ahhh, this consultant is just right,” she sighed.

Goldilocks decided that she better go upstairs to the management to see if she has any budget for this BPM project.
She lay down her first projections, but they were too high.
Then she lay down her second cheaper projections, but they would take years.
Then she lay down some quick and dirty projections and they were just right. Goldilocks and her management soon fell asleep.

As she was sleeping, the three vendors came home.

“The customer loves my solution” , growled the Papa vendor.
“The customer loves my solution” , said the Mama vendor.
“The customer loves my solution the best” cried the Baby vendor. I’ve customised the product to fit all of their requirements.

Then they went to talk to the consultants.
“The customer trusts my experience in BPM consulting” ,” growled Papa consultant.
“The customer trusts my experience in BPM consulting” , said the Mama consultant.
“The customer trusts my experience in BPM consulting” cried the Baby consultant. I’ve given them free BPM training and even designed their processes for them. All for free!

Goldilocks kept dragging her feet about the purchase decision, so the three vendors decided to go upstairs to the management boardroom.
Papa vendor growled, “We’ve spent time , money and effort in building and presenting a full BPM offering, as you have requested”
“We’ve spent time , money and effort in building and presenting a full BPM offering, as you have requested” , said the Mama vendor.
“We’ve spent time , money and effort in building and presenting a full BPM offering, as you have requested” cried the Baby vendor. We’ve even given you free BPM training and designed your processes for you. All for free!

Just then, Goldilocks woke up, saw the three vendors and understood that she was in over her head. “Help!” she screamed, jumped up and ran as fast as she could.
She then decided that it would be cheaper to try building her own solution with her own IT department.
Methodologies? Best Practices? Experience? – Don’t need them she said. BPM is just common sense.

P.S.
Goldilock’s IT team spent the two years trying to build their own BPM solution.
It never went live… The broken chair was never fixed either.