Mirror Mirror on the wall

Queen: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the best BPM vendor of them all?
Mirror: Well.. You’re not bad… but Snow White is better.
Queen: What! How dare you!! Bring me the Marketing Director!!
Marketing Director: Yes, your highness.
Queen: Go out to the market, buy a poisoned apple and give it to Snow White..

(The marketing director goes out, and comes back with bad news)

Marketing Director: Sorry, your highness, but Snow White refuses to eat the apple. She says it gives her indigestion.
Queen: What! How dare she!! Bring me the Finance Director!!
Finance Director: Yes, your highness.
Queen: Go to Snow White, and offer to buy her out.

(The finance director goes out, and comes back with bad news)

Finance Director: Sorry, your highness, but Snow White refuses to discuss an acquisition. She says the market price is too low.
Queen: What! How dare she!! Bring me the Technical Director!!
Technical Director: Yes, your highness.
Queen: Go out to the market, spy on Snow White, and pinch all of her good ideas.

(The technical director goes out, and comes back with bad news)

Technical Director: Sorry, your highness, but all of the features Snow White has – we’ve got too.
Queen: What! How dare she!! Bring me the Sales Director!!
Sales Director: Yes, your highness.
Queen: Go out to the market, spy on Snow White, and pinch all of her leads.

(The Sales Director goes out, and comes back with bad news)

Sales Director: Sorry, your highness, but all of Snow White’s tenders and RFPs – we get too.
Queen: What! How dare she!! Bring me the HR Director!!
HR Director: Yes, your highness.
Queen: Go out to the market, and head-hunt all of Snow White’s skilled staff.

(The HR Director goes out, and comes back with bad news)

HR Director: Sorry, your highness, but all of the skilled staff are looked after nicely by Snow White and don’t want to jump ship.
Queen: What! How dare she!! Bring me the CIO!!
CIO: Yes, your highness.
Queen: I’m at my wits end here. I’ve sent out Finance, Technical, Sales, HR and Marketing – but still cannot find the reason why Snow White is better than us.
I need you to find a solution!!!
CIO: I understand, your highness.

The CIO gets onto his horse and gallops off into the distance.
Days pass, weeks, months… then suddenly the CIO is seen on the horizon. Tired, he staggers into the palace.
Have you found a solution?, asks the Queen, with beaming eyes.

“Yes, your highness, I have” said the CIO…. takes out a great big sledge hammer and smashes the mirror.