Mary Poppins explains PR

The professor mumbled to himself.
Then he mumbled a bit more.
I don’t get it, he said to himself.
The product works. The product is great.

Why doesn’t the company get the recognition it deserves?
I need to find some way to make it a household name!

The chimney rattled, the chimney prattled and down came a lady with a smile.
Blimey! said the professor. It’s Mary Poppins!

Hello Professor, I’ve come to help you, said Mary brushing off the soot.
But weren’t you meant to fly down with an umbrella, asked the professor. You know… like in the movie.

Oh no!. said Mary. It’s much too dangerous. Plus I’m afraid of flying.
What you saw was some fancy artistic work done by my Public Relations team.
What you need is something like that, you know… to sweeten the medicine.
You’re right! shouted the professor. A spoon full of sugar!
Sorry Professor, replied Mary sadly. You sell enterprise software.
No sugar sweetener or “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” marketing campaign will help you here.

What you need is someone that specialises in the art and social science of analysing trends, predicting their consequences, counselling organizational leaders, and implementing planned programs of action, which will serve both the organization and the public interest.

Puffing Trains! exclaimed the professor. What in heavens are you babbling about?
Mary smiled. You need people in the industry to talk about you.
You need an Analyst Relations expert. Maybe one that specialises in BPM companies.
They brief industry analysts about their company’s strategy, products and services; help them with research requests; and generally try to persuade these influential third parties to represent them in the best possible light.
They are in charge of PR.

What actually is PR?, asked the professor puzzled.
Mmmm, good question, she puzzled to herself.

Let me try and explain, said Mary Poppins and stuck a thermometer in the professor’s mouth.
Marketing is like measuring a baby’s temperature.

PO = Per os (by mouth).
Like sticking a thermometer in the baby’s mouth, it’s the fastest and easiest way.
The problem is that, like a baby, people don’t like attempts to force information down their throat.

PA – Per auris (by ear).
Telling people about the product. Hoping they will listen.
Marry stuck the thermometer into the professor’s ear. The professor winced.
The problem here, as you can feel, explained Marry, is that like a baby, people don’t like ear prodding all the time.

Mary took the thermometer out and looked at it. Then she turned to the professor.
The last way is even more unpleasant, but much more effective, said Mary.
It’s called PR.
Now bend over and let me explain how that works…