Posted by: Adam Deane | 18/07/2011

BPM: Impact Analysis

NASASHUTTLE: Control, this is Atlantis. Engines at 85%, over

CAPCOM: Pre-process check complete, Atlantis , you’re looking good

SHUTTLE: Control, this is Atlantis. The solid rocket boosters have separated from the Orbiter. Do you have a visual?, over

CAPCOM: Roger Atlantis, we can see it on our monitors. All systems go.
Are you ready for workflow initiation?

SHUTTLE: We’re ready, over

CAPCOM: Atlantis, You’re on internal power. Good luck. over.

SHUTTLE: Control, this is Atlantis. Task one completed successfully, over

CAPCOM: Atlantis, this is Control. Confirmed. Status report.

SHUTTLE: Control, this is Atlantis. Maximum business process pressure has been reached, and the space shuttle main engines have been throttled back up to 100%, over.

[Asteroid hits left side of the shuttle]

SHUTTLE: Control, this is Atlantis. We’ve been hit by an exception asteroid!

CAPCOM: Atlantis, this is Control. Activate Impact Analysis!

SHUTTLE: Impact Analysis? What Impact Analysis? We don’t have impact analysis!

CAPCOM: Atlantis, What do you mean you don’t have impact analysis?

SHUTTLE: There no such thing as real impact analysis in BPM. It’s usually part of process simulation, but because it’s so complicated and not user friendly – no one ever uses it. We didn’t even think of loading it onto the shuttle.

CAPCOM: Don’t you think impact analysis is important? Can’t you install it now?

SHUTTLE: Sure we can.. we’ll have the results 3 days after we land. But even then they will be so complicated that we won’t understand any of it. Impact Analysis in BPM needs a light weight interface so that anyone can use it.

CAPCOM: Ok Atlantis. Understood. Impact analysis is not good enough in BPM. We’ll try to fix it. What are you going to do until then?

SHUTTLE: We’ll try to enter orbit using the best technology we have.

CAPCOM: Which technology is that?

SHUTTLE: Wishful thinking.

CAPCOM: Welcome home Atlantis

Flight Director: Ok everyone, job well done.. now let’s put on the Ape costumes and go out and greet them when they land.


Responses

  1. Uhh Atlantis, just to let you know that you’re wrong about the exception asteroid. We had a look at the in-flight documentation and it doesn’t mention any exceptions. And as you know, anything not documented can’t possibly happen. Could you just check that the oxygen supply is at normal levels?

    And btw, we were only able to find a one way process model for lunar landing, so what the hell are you doing floating around in space?


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