Posted by: Adam Deane | 15/11/2010

BPM Simulation in the 24th Century

BPM SimulationCaptain’s log. Stardate eighty-one-forty point two.
Approaching Neutral Zone, all systems normal and functioning.

The Starship Enterprise is on it’s way to Gamma Hydra.
Our mission – to optimise business processes on Gamma 4.

Captain Kirk: Computer. Run a simulation of the business process.
Computer: Running simulation protocol. Accessing history database and comparing. Simulation complete.
Captain Kirk: Results on screen.
Computer: Results shown. Process is running at 98.2% efficiency.

Captain Kirk: Hmmm, Ok computer, move three resources from task 5A to task 5B.
Computer: Overall process time would be reduced by 2 hours, overall process cost would be reduced by 5 percent.
Captain Kirk: What if I was to add an additional resource to task 5B.
Computer: Time to complete task would stay the same. Time waiting in inbox would be reduced by 7 minutes.

Captain Kirk: Results on screen.
Computer: Results shown.
Captain Kirk: OK, now show me the results side-by-side with scenario A, B and C.
Computer: Results shown.

Spock: What are you doing captain?
Captain Kirk: Just running some simulation scenarios. This is so boring…
Spock: Captain. May I advise you run it in 21st century mode.
Captain Kirk: 21st century mode? Sounds interesting. What’s special about it?
Spock: Very intreging notion captain. In the 21st century they entered simulation parameters manually instead of letting the computer decide.
Captain Kirk: Interesting… and what was the success rate?
Spock: Zero, Captain. Rubbish in – Rubbish out…

Captain Kirk: Mmmm, sounds fun… Computer, run the previous scenarios in 21st century mode.
Computer: Warning! 21st century mode simulation is not recommended.
Captain Kirk: Override. Security code delta two four.

Computer: Running 21st century mode. What would you like the results to be?
Captain Kirk: I don’t understand.
Spock: In the 21st century you would decide on the required outcome, then set up a simulation scenario to prove your thesis.
Captain Kirk: Amazing! Why would they do that?
Spock: That was the way they did it back then. Very primitive.

Computer: Warning! Warning! Information overload.
Spock: Captain. You didn’t actually run the program did you?
Captain Kirk: Of course I did. Why not?
Spock: Captain. 21st century simulation was smoke and mirrors. It was made to impress customers in sales cycles. Not to actually use.

Computer: Warning! Warning! Information overload.
Spock: Captain. The core has overheated. Explosion expected in 2 minutes.
Captain Kirk: We’re over our heads! Spok, initiate abandon ship procedure.
Spock: Sorry Captain. The computer is still stuck in simulation mode.

As the ship slowly exploded, the captain’s recorded his last message:
Captain’s final log. Stardate eighty-one-forty point two. I have initiated by mistake a 21st century simulation mode. Big mistake. Note to self – Never do it again…


Responses

  1. LOL. Adam – it’s nit-picking I know but there is a small historical inaccuracy. In the early part of the 21st century processes were often one of the Dark Arts. It was only after the first decade that organizations began to manage holistic models of their end-to-end processes and controls. At which point simulation began to matter and was able to shake off its origins in sorcery.
    Ah, the early 21st century. How amazing it would have been to be alive in those days. It wasn’t just sales sorcery – apparently it didn’t even matter much whether what a vendor’s website said was true!! Incredible.

    • “To Simulate or not to Simulate – that is the question”
      You can’t appreciate Shakespeare until you’ve read him in the original Klingon

  2. Funny blog, but 21st century simulation from Lanner is ready to use and won’t damage your Enterprise if used responsibly!

  3. I’m not convinced that Spock’s being logical when he says “21st century simulation was smoke and mirrors. It was made to impress customers in sales cycles. Not to actually use.”

    Spock is clearly forgetting the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition #32: “Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects”.

  4. By the way: does the entreprises realy uses simulation facility?

    What is the best results when using process simulate?

    How could process simulate contribute to achieve best results?

    I have doubt.

    Thanks
    Saulo Barbará


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